The Art of Making the Right Move in the Right Time – Manipulation in its’ finest! How do you know when to make this very gutsy move; the one that wins it all, or you go home broke? There are a couple checklist type questions which you could ask yourself when you choose the final deep breath in the moment of decision, but a personal narrative.
When I was twenty-one, I interviewed for teaching positions in the top paying, suburban, Chicago public schools. In these days, there were literally two thousand applicants for each open position. I was getting married and going to Chicago and my betrothed family (who were all teachers) arranged for me to enter in the interview procedure. Although interviews are a topic for another column, these interviews were grueling; initial interview with three different committee members, second meeting with the whole committee and the third with the decision maker on the committee.
I was in the pursuit of three jobs and I had been sitting in the last interview together with the line of another final applicants. They looked a little older and that meant”experience” that is the nemesis of first time candidates. After my interview in this college, I was headed for my third call back at another college. I was the last one to enter the space in the last one-on-one and I believed that I had an edge on the others in every way except for the kind of experience in public education. The interview went fine although there appeared to be an emphasis on the fact that I had never taught in a public school.
What is happening?
I remember feeling that among the other candidates could prevail and at that instant I felt I had nothing to lose. No response (good sign). I looked at my watch and waited a second, “Sure.” I left the room and knew that I had been among the last candidates; I believed that I had smoked that information from them. I was in the process with two other colleges and knew I’d back up choices. It was a long five minutes, but within ten minutes, I was on my way over to the School Board office to sign a contract. I did not plan that plan (I wish I could give myself that much credit). Now in my later years, with accumulated experience, I really do know the game and why I evolved as the winner on that day.
I put everything on the line daily. If I hadn’t been given the job that day, they would have probably offered it to some other individual assuming I had pulled myself by considering another place or the fact I was pressing where I should have been more conforming. That day I learned something and I have used the method . Women have it harder then guys in this arena; it’s easy to judge a female as a whiner or worse, the”b” word. Men play with these tactile games everyday to demonstrate the principle of the roost.
If you will play “balls to the wall”, consider this checklist.
- You should not have anything to lose, why? You need to have a back up. It follows that the game you play isn’t actually the”real” game. If you don’t have a back up then you need to be ready to take the consequences (like one of these game shows to go on to win more cash ). You need to realize that as soon as you throw it back at them, you have not control. It’s the”ball in your court” syndrome; another move has to be theirs.
- You must detach from the outcome you can push with another set of reasoning. To put it differently, you’re giving it a fifty-fifty chance and the idea it is very likely to”not” happen. When you must achieve a specific result, you put yourself up like a victim who”wants” something.
- You need to be willing to shed everything pertaining to this specific decision. If you will stick with a low-ball bid on a piece of property, you need to be ready to walk away with no property. When you perform”balls out”, give an undesirable outcome as another option; always try to take away something from the person in power. This may be as straightforward as taking away their choice.
- Your back up is the “need” situation and you need to put it aside once it’s established. Now you go after what you “want.” Negotiating from this place is self-empowering.
- The bit of advice is once you make your move; sit still, stand still and be silent. Wait until you are called upon for another move. Don’t make it for them. This may be the most nerve wracking and it requires discipline.
This sounds bizarre, but here’s a game you can playwith. Try to find someone to do something you don’t have any concern over the outcome; Quite simply, it matters not if the solution is”yes” or”no”, but you’re attempting to accomplish yes or convince someone to do something they might or may not take your own position. The ideal decisions are choices of manipulation and the ideal time means that you’ve forced the decision now or place yourself in a position to opt for another consequence.
Remember that it doesn’t always work either and that losing doesn’t feel great. If you will play with the delicate game of manipulation, then you may experience both sides of the coin; losing and winning. You have to practice these techniques with words to control because it’s called so deviously, or convince as it’s more commonly coined or accepted. Another important point is that not all discussions are equal and that everyone has their breaking point and this is where the Sassy Executive must use her intuition.