It happened to me this morning as I was, for the first time, eliminating facial hair (eeek!) , the sun streaming in through the curtains supposed that summer was on it’s way. Thinking ahead as I pulled my jeans, I mentally went through the summer things in my wardrobe and reluctantly admitted to myself that perhaps some of my skirts might be too brief.
What is happening?
I was too old to take off such fashions. My god! When did that occur? I’d had a conversation with my daughter a few nights whilst brushing her hair, about how tall she was becoming. At just seven, she’s already counting the number of years before she moves up to high school; just over three, actually. At which point I informed her that I’m almost 32 when that occurs.
That, to me seems a ways off, or an age that other individuals reach, but not me. There it is though, I had my daughter when I was twenty and here I am less than two years past thirty years old. People always said that time appears to pass faster when you have kids, I realised that this was true, but never did I imagine that would mean I’d reach a point where shorts or low cut shirts were for a generation younger than myself. That’s scary, is not it? I don’t understand how this has happened, it is almost like a small switch in my mind was triggered and suddenly I’ve reached a maturity which I thought was reserved for other girls.
Or maybe it is the influence of society, somehow it’s infiltrated my mind that certain types of clothing aren’t acceptable past a certain age. I scared myself with these ideas, how was I suddenly not convinced enough to bare a little bit of leg encounter the hot weather, when did I get that dull? As the’baby’ in my group of friends I really did not see this coming. We, none of us thinks twice about showing some flesh on a night out, it is all part of the fun. Not, I hasten to add, that we reveal too much, but if all that’should’ be coated is, then it is all about what color your shirt is and what accessories to wear.
Keep in mind
Never before have I caught myself contemplating whether I’m too old for any specific style. I really don’t feel that I’ve suddenly changed as a person, my behavior or character are any different, but something inside my mind has altered. I’m not suddenly more mature or responsible, that side of me has been around for years, yet I’m seeing myself in a different light. I wouldn’t have believed that this change was caused by society’s expectations either, or surely I’d find myself thinking similar things about my friends, who all have at least a year or two on me.
I don’t though, I do not see them as too old for anything. I find this bizarre. What in the world has changed in my perceptions of myself? And if I’m’too old’ for small skirts, then am I too old for nights out that last’til 2am? I guess that some of these thoughts have originated in the realisation that my oldest daughter is in factn’t going to be a little girl for a lot longer.
The surest method of making yourself feel old would be to count how old your child is, or to throw your mind back to their infant days and realise it is somewhat a fuzzy memory. Perhaps, it’s the simple truth that it has been a very cold winter, and I have become that used to being wrapped up in layers of clothes the idea of minimal clothing is somewhat unsettling. Maybe I’m not getting old just yet. Perhaps, as the weather warms up my attitude will change and I’ll come to realise I do have the confidence to bare a little flesh.
Or, maybe I, maybe the fact that my daughter is quickly growing up and will be considering trend shortly, means that my time has gone. There’ll be sure fashions which are for a creation that I am no longer a part of. It just seems to me that suddenly I’m not a young mother, I want to begin giving more consideration to if I can carry off an image.
I have a slender physique but that does not give me the OK to wear youthful styles. I may find I can get past these ideas and continue being the’me’ which I am used to being. Or I may invest in certain anti-aging night creams and hang up my stillettos. No, I can not see myself giving up my side entirely, why should I? I can be a responsible adult, without being older. Perhaps I will get a compromise; come in from the bar at 1am, and make sure I put my night cream on before I fall asleep.