Women are told that being a mother is the most rewarding experience of the life. Women will also be told that they could have it all — parenthood, families, career, relationships, and community participation.
We become so busy caring for kids, spouses, parents, in-laws, pursuing careers, and handling the daily maintenance of conducting a house (cleaning, cooking, shopping), that everybody else gets our best. We get shortchanged. We often feel frustrated, unappreciated, haggard, cranky, disheveled and even unattractive. Many mothers put basic needs on hold — doctor’s appointments, haircuts, coffee with a close friend.
Having it leaves us with no strength and no time to look after ourselves. I remember a specific Mother’s Day, sitting in one of my favourite cafes overlooking a park in blossom, surrounded by my two brothers and my then-husband. I was totally exhausted — caring for two small children, working, taking care of the home, trying to keep it all together.
Studies have shown, as recorded by WebMD, that girls now are less happy than they’ve been over the past 40 years. Why? Theories abound, but Id suspect that a lack of “me-time” is a significant reason. Randy Kamen Gredinger, EdD, a Wayland, Mass., psychologist and life coach specializing in women’s issues, as mentioned by WebMD. As Mia Redrick, author of Time for Mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for a Mother’s Self Care clarifies, many mothers have “a clear comprehension of exactly what the members of the families will need to feel complete, loved and improved.”
And yet, the very same moms don’t have any clue what they should care for themselves. There’s more at play here, however, than simple “not understanding.” There’s an insidious undercurrent of guilt many mothers feel a for caring for herself. Perhaps she internalizes the implied message that when a mother is taking care of herself, she’s taking time away from caring for somebody else. It’s our responsibility, after all, to minimize our demands so as to look after others.
Let’s understand it
Here’s the perfect analogy: Think of yourself as a bank. Ashley Eder, as mentioned in the Guide, the Way to Stop Feeling Guilty About Practicing Self-Care. Whether you’re a brand-new mother, wrangling toddlers, or waiting up at night for teens, every mother demands self-care for peak performance. To put it differently, practicing self-care helps us help others more effectively. There are lots of reasons for mothers to regularly practice.
Do you wish to show your kids how to place their needs last as a parent? Or, so you wish to show your kids that rest, attending to your needs, and “time out” are essential? Ultimately, self-care is vital and non-negotiable. From getting sufficient sleep, to taking care of our basic needs, to setting personal limits and boundaries, to being honest with our partners, it is making our health and wellbeing a non-negotiable priority.
After all, when you see the airline presentation at the start of your flight, the attendant says, “place the oxygen mask on you , then your little one.” You can’t help another to your whole capacity until you help yourself.