It’d be great if all mother-daughter connections were harmonious, wonderfully peacefully adoring. After all, it’s said that there is in inexplicable bond between mother and daughter that remains and lingers after and beyond anything else. The mother-daughter relations is indeed different and distinct from any other. It may give us the inspiration and strength, yet bring us down to quivering shaken respect too.
The complexity of the relationship is such that we usually go through life asking if there is something wrong with ourselves, or with Her! The distinction of this mother-daughter connection is such that it’s a lifetime learning experience and opportunity for personal development. We learn to put our egos aside to have the ability to concentrate on our love for one another, so we are there for each other, winner each other instead of destroying each other’s being to shreds.
I had grown up frequently hearing my mom say, “you will never know until you become a mother yourself” I had inured myself into it. Then I became a mother myself and realized the truth to her voice. A mother’s ambitions, dreams, ambitions and protective instincts versus the daughter’s efforts at self-expression and desperate show of liberty. Difficulties at the mother-daughter relationship start at precisely the exact same time the ego is rearing itself at the daughter.
I call these the’tumultuous years’. It’s essential that people realize the changes which are occurring to both mom and daughter so we can decide on a more satisfying, healthily loving relationship and prevent many hurts, disappointments and confrontations we’d otherwise undergo. During these’tumultuous years’ of their daughter’s discovery and manifestation of ego, the mother’s, on the other hand, is well ensconced. This creates a situation of competition, for the dominant role in every angle and in the connection itself. There’s the need to maintain control.
By being “in the right”, or winning every argument, we get to believe that we’re in control of this situation, the connection and over another person. It will become a yelling match, out-talking each other, threatening each other, throwing out names or dagger appears in imposing a quiet war. These are known as ego-based actions/reactions and just boost the belief of management, which is really only an illusion.
I’d reflect after every confrontation with my daughter and I understood it was draining me emotionally and physically and it was not helping our connection any. I thought of maybe letting go of this need to win, to prove myself to have the final word. The result was an instantaneous turn-around! My ego-need triggered the identical response in her. When I let go of this need, there was no similar need in her too. There was no competition except for any of us to “win” and a dawning realization came over me.
This man or woman is just as much a part of me since the rest of my body and I recalled that I adore her. In the final analysis, the way we respond to a situation contributes the management of that interaction. Releasing our grip on the ego frees us from the illusion of control and sends us to a different dimension – of empowerment and growth. We gain another sort of power because we’ve allowed another to have the same power. In cases like this, you’re enabling a person you love, by humbling yourself.