Why I Don’t Fit In?

Smiling multiracial female friends having fun at picnic in the park - group of healthy friends having a picnic

I’ve never really fitted in. I quite enjoy my own business, am delighted to take in stray animals, regard it as important to pay my way, look after myself, and sometimes enjoy being somewhat quirky. So occasionally I get into trouble for having colored stripes in my hair, wearing the wrong sort of tights with my dresses, wearing comfy sandals as opposed to high heels once I know that we will be walking some distance on a night out.

Let’s understand it

Occasionally though being different has supplied some wry amusement. I recall going to a rather wise nightclub with a girlfriend. She was wearing an expensive, exclusive outfit whilst I had on an inexpensive summer dress. Three other women were wearing the exact same outfit as my buddy, which caused her some aggravation. For many young women being a bridesmaid is as near to being a princess as you can get.

Drifting together behind a bride, wearing a pretty dress, carrying flowers and having everybody gasp and say how beautiful they are is as near to perfection as it is possible to be. However, having never been a part of a girly audience I’ve never been involved in the girls night out, hen party, wedding preparation chain of events. Maybe it’s because we moved a lot when I was young.

Gardez à l'esprit

I had to change schools several times and consequently begin again, not always a simple thing to do. Becoming a bit more self-sufficient supposed that I never joined the women in the gang as they went en masse into the restroom, or went shopping for clothes, or spent hours swopping make-up, getting ready for a night out. I used to go out on my own, sometimes arranging to meet people in the venue so that I could arrive and depart when it suited.

I enjoyed going on vacation; it was quite an adjustment once I got married and needed to consider someone else’s plans. Consequently, I’ve never been a bridesmaid. I almost was, once. A close colleague of my dad’s was engaged to be married and I recall her telling me I was to be her bridesmaid. As an 8 year old kid I was elated and frequently asked my dad about the big day. It was only when my parents went into the church for the wedding that I finally accepted that it wasn’t to be. I was heart-broken.

My grandma, who had been baby-sitting for me and my siblings was obviously disgusted by the entire situation and took me into the church, armed with a box of confetti. It was never mentioned again. Nowadays I guess bridesmaids are interchangeable with bigger weddings. When I got married I’d only the one bridesmaid, my younger sister, which was because she was family. When she married there were no bridesmaids.

Take into account

Smaller weddings are less likely to include antiques, or they’ll be limited to younger relatives. Also it may be a more pleasant experience being a guest in a friend’s wedding as opposed to a bridesmaid. Guests can sit and enjoy the day, relax, socialise and celebrate the wedding, rather than be under the spotlight as part of the main event. Most of the weddings I’ve attended have been a guest, and as I’ve got older, I’ve certainly found that to be a much more pleasant choice.

Another of those openings in my life was not being chosen for team sports in school. I remember squirming with dread at the prospect of team sports. The fear of being chosen and then letting down the side was the stuff of nightmares. The humiliating prospect of dropping the ball, missing the shot, being too slow was awful.

Final note

Even as an adult playing with a lunchtime friendly sport of rounders on the workplace playing areas never appeared very friendly to me as the guys used to shout and shout, determined to win. Far too scary and aggressive for my taste. I much prefer going to the gym, joining courses, utilizing the equipment and competing against myself. I’m delighted to train hard and do my best, but I do not need to feel bad about myself or put in pressure into the encounter. So, there you have it. Three glaring omissions, serious gaps in my life. I wonder, what are yourscan you relate to mine?