A commonly accepted definition of subject has more to do with punishment than subject. Discipline should have to do with the practice of teaching responsibility and transferring children from based upon their parents to offer accountability and subject to a place where the only discipline that’s necessary is self-discipline.
A young man felt sick and arrived home from school an hour early. His parents weren’t home and he merely went to his room and went to sleep. A week after the school called and reported that the lack to the parents. The father felt that it was his duty to take some action. The boy had no say in the matter and couldn’t even remember the specific day he had missed school. Punishment was given out, the youth was grounded for a week and deprived from using the vehicle for two weeks.
In the youth’s eyes that he had been punished for no reason. It was only punishment. No growth happened. No behaviour has been changed, no new customs were created and the father was announced to be a fool and one which you can not trust. Why do this boy ever need to take a large problem to his dad. The underlying purpose of any discipline must be to create a growth experience for the person involved. The kid ought to be involved in the process as possible.
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The arrangement that governs how people interact with each other has a fantastic effect on the development of each individual in any group. Some critical customs and attitudes are learned because of the structure which exists in the house and lots of these customs and attitudes aren’t going to change much because of experiencing other kinds of structures. All classes, including families will need to have some type of a rule system.
This doesn’t have to be overwhelming, but there will have to be a framework of expectations and consequences which are clear and understandable. Often, in a household, Dad has a set of principles he grew up with that he insists upon embracing. Mother also includes a set of principles that she grew up with and insists upon embracing. Then very often, without realizing it, they end up sabotaging each other’s favourite rules.
The children sit in the middle waiting for the dust to settle. In the meantime they understand: Don’t worry about rules, adults aren’t really serious about them anyhow. It’s important that parents recognize their marriage creates the creation of a new and in many ways unique family unit. Each of the backgrounds is somewhat different from another. Often individuals marry, have kids, and start the process of rearing children without recognizing the value of this idea.
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Sooner or later, however, parents need to come to grips with all the personal backgrounds and goals of each individual partner. Rather than waiting until a problem occurs that have to be solved by extreme action, it’s wiser to recognize that families, like any other organization or group requires a system of organization that’s customarily called discipline. Effective training requires that adults frequently inspect the character development of children and identify exactly what is required by a specific child at a specific point in their development.
This discussion of the principles and the reasons for getting the rules isn’t one that adults can have one time only. It has to be an ongoing one. Included in their discussion ought to be such things as: what are the individual’s strengths and weaknesses? What personality traits are important for us to develop? What are the needs that every child has in his or her present level of development? In the upcoming short time period, upon what specific things should we focus our attention? Concentrate on one thing at a time.
A childhood could be having a problem dealing with the consequences of the behaviour. Therefore you would have to concentrate your attention on that specific trait. Another might have a hard time responding to requests so that you would need to concentrate your attention on teaching the capacity to respond appropriately. Effective discipline starts with the parents. It’s actually unfair and unreasonable to expect more self-control and more behaviour change on the part of kids than parents are eager to exhibit themselves.
We’ve got a propensity to spend our time thinking about all of the things kids or other individuals should do to alter their behaviour. We consider how others should differ and what others should do to make us happy. In all reality, we can have very little control over the others, but we could and should have control over ourselves. In actuality, we will need to continuously remind ourselves that the actual reason for any discipline is to develop positive character traits in children so that they’ll have the ability to control their own behaviour.
Our aim eventually is to assist each child to become an independent and self-motivated individual with a strong internal sense of right and wrong and the ability to regulate their behaviour accordingly. One of the regions over which adults need to obtain control is their own emotions. If you’re so angry with a child which you can’t deal with the situations calmly, then maybe you should excuse yourself to “go to the toilet” until you’re somewhat calmer. Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t mean to say it is wrong to be mad. Feelings are legitimate and have to be recognized, but you as an adult need to learn to maintain charge of your behavior.
To put it differently, it’s OK to be angry but it isn’t OK to let anger control your behaviour. You have to teach kids that any impacts they experience are due to their own misbehavior and not only a consequence of the parent’s anger. Most teenagers feel they’re being punished because their parents are out of control, not because they themselves have done anything to deserve it. It does not do any good at all to have a rule if all concerned aren’t willing and able consistently to behave according to this rule. It’s much better not to have a rule if you cannot be consistent with it.
For those who have a rule that is not followed, you may set a child up for a lifetime of failure. Remember, you should have:
- clear arrangement.
- clear straightforward rules.
- regular, consistent follow through. The experiences that children have with principles in their first five decades in addition to the attitudes they develop rules will in large part, determine how they will respond to principles in college (and in the community at large).
- Rules are essential.
- Rules are there to help me be free of customs and behaviors which are harmful to me in the long term.
- Rules could be challenged as long as I do it in the perfect way, and at a suitable time.
- If I challenge a rule I have the responsibility not just to think of a better choice but also to be at least partially responsible for implementing the change if others accept it.
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A system that depends on punishment and reward has a propensity to deny children the chance to make their own decisions and to be accountable for their own behaviour. Clear consequences that are viewed as logical and natural on the other hand, require children to be accountable for their own behaviour. Natural consequences are the ones that allow children to learn from the natural order of the physical world — for instance, that not eating is accompanied by hunger.
Logical consequences are the ones that allow children to learn from the truth of the social order — for instance, children who don’t get up on time might be late to school and need to make up work. For consequences to work, the kids involved must see them as plausible. The intent of using natural and logical consequences is to inspire children to make responsible decisions, to not induce their entry. Consequences are effective only in case you avoid having concealed motives of winning commanding.
Be both kind and firm. Firmness refers to a follow-through behaviour. Kindness refers to the way you present the decision. Talk less about impacts; behave more. When you do things for kids they could do for themselves, you’re robbing them of self-respect and obligation. The differences between punishment and logical consequences are that punishment expresses the power of private authority while plausible impacts express the impersonal reality of societal order.
It is rarely linked to misbehavior, logical consequences are related to misbehavior. Punishment tells the child he or she’s bad, logical consequences imply no element of moral judgement. Punishment focuses on what’s past, logical consequences are concerned with current and future behaviour. Punishment is related to a threat, either open or hidden, logical consequences are based on good will, not on retaliation. Punishment demands obedience, logical consequences permit choice.
Avoid fights; they signify lack of respect for another person. Don’t give in; this indicates lack of respect for yourself. As you employ logical consequences, provide choices and take the child’s decision. Use a friendly tone of voice that communicates your good will. As you follow through with an outcome, assure children that they might try again later. Be patient, it is going to take some time for logical and natural consequences to work. The sort of discipline structure in the house can teach some very important skills – such as completing tasks. This ability of task completion is one which should be learned early.
It’s hard if not impossible to find out in school. Family or group rules and customs help to establish this habit. For instance if a household has the principle that after dinner everybody will help to clean up the dinner table and stack the dishes that the idea begins to sink in that there are certain things that are done before you move to have fun. It does not have to be any major principle or action but it can be a sequence of events and ways of behaving that educate very slowly that there are certain responsibilities that come before private wants. One of the devices which help to reinforce this notion is a daily chart.